Happy New Year!

My cousin asked me yesterday what I was going to “give up” and what I was going to take up in the new year. A really interesting and surprisingly challenging question. But I love a challenge so I got a-thinking. After much cogitating I have come up with my answer.

What I’m giving up

I shall give up striving.

I have been achievement driven for a very long time. Now after decades of collecting qualifications, career changes, chasing certainty and security, I‘m going to try to stop. What if I don’t need a goal to aim for, a problem to solve, an event to train for as my life purpose? I am going to give up trying to know what I’m meant to be doing with my life. I’m not going to give up being a self improvement junky though! Trying to work out how I tick is far too fascinating (to me) to relinquish.

Trying to work out what to take up was a bit more tricky.

The idea of deciding to try to get fitter or eat better is dull and unimaginative, in my humble opinion, so I dismissed those as a “take up” options. I obsess over diet and exercise pretty much constantly anyway. So back to the drawing board in my mind…. I love a challenge and get bored really quickly if something is too easy. It can’t be too hard though or I’ll make up some excuse or just not do it. Lots of thinking last night didn’t avail me with a goal. However after a sleep I came up with an idea!

What I’m taking up

I’m going to do something on this webpage of mine everyday. Why, you might ask? Even if you didn’t I’m going to explain.

• It doesn’t serve any particular purpose (see “what I’m giving up”)
• it’s going to be tricky
  • I don’t know how to work this Wordpress editor
  • writing is fucking hard work for me
  • I rarely risk an opportunity to be judged as inadequate so sharing anything I’ve written is frankly terrifying
  • doing something consistently without immediate or clear benefits doesn’t deliver enough dopamine so I give up quickly
• I have a surplus of thoughts. Maybe I could chill the fuck out a bit if I offload them. ~ paper diaries and journals get lost too easily. I can’t lose the internet.
• I want to talk and talk and talk. And talk. Therapists are pricey listeners.
• It might be good for me. I can’t think of any rational harms it might cause.